just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
