I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
