Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
