Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
