hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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