dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
