The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
