I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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