Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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