You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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