I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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