just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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