I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
