i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
