Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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