you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
