Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
