I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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