Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
