Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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