i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
