my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
