My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
