he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
