He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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