Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
