Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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