There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
