That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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