we have pet lesbian snakes
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
