??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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