allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
