I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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