Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
