The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
