operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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