I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
