i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
