im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
