i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
