Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
