hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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