apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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