Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
