hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
