Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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