Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
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she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head