Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.