Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.