I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
