Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The beer is more important than you right now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.