so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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