sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
