Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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