quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
