So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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