the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize