Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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