i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
