wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
