I didn't shave. On purpose
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
