mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
