I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
