wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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