So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
